Science suggests that the reasons you fall in love are not necessarily what you would expect. Without realizing it, you're attracted to people who have certain traits that you are looking for.
Love will always be a mystery, and that’s part of what makes it so attractive. We still don’t fully understand the reasons why we fall in love with some people and not others.
The 2005 study published in the Journal of Personal and Social Psychology might have some answers to this particular mystery. The study compiled ideas from other studies on the subject. While it certainly doesn’t show the whole picture, it does offer some of the reasons why we fall in love.
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The thing we call “chemistry” is, more than anything, an attraction to specific traits. When you meet someone with several of these traits, a selective magnetic force is created that draws you to that person. So why do we fall in love? Here are five different theories.
Although many people believe the old adage “opposites attract”, studies show this isn’t really true. Similarities attract because romantic love has a set of mutual identification mechanisms. For you to fall in love, you have to feel that the other person reaffirms you in some way or another.
What happens sometimes is that a person can have very defined traits that aren’t so obvious in the other person or are inhibited for some reason. Also, that two people are attracted to each other because the things that bind them are strong enough. Whatever the case, scientists argue that you fall in love with people who are like you.
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This popular explanation has actually been supported by scientific research. It’s very easy to fall in love with someone who seems similar to your parents. This might not be obvious to you at first, but if you think more about it you’ll realize it’s true.
The similarity to one of your parents might be physical, such as the way they smile. However, the similarity is most often personality-related. Protectiveness, being controlling or demanding, etc. It’s easy to link those traits with your love for your parents, which is why sparks fly.
Communication is probably the most decisive factor in love. Being with someone you can easily talk to will make you feel good. Everyone wants someone who’s capable of listening without being condescending and communicating what they think and feel.
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Research shows that after you have a personal conversation with someone, you feel a certain affinity for that person. If the conversations you have with your partner flow naturally, you’re even more likely to stay with them.
Research also shows that extroverted people “inspire more love” than non-extroverts. This is related to the first point because it seems to be easier for extroverts to communicate and make people feel at ease. In that context, mutual attraction is much more likely.
When someone is open about what they think and feel, it inspires trust, warmth, and closeness. Introverts, however, tend to have a harder time with this kind of communication. That certainly doesn’t mean that they don’t fall in love but it isn’t as easy for them to start a relationship.
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Sharing an extreme experience with someone usually creates a bond between them. Also, if the potential couple discovers things they have in common during the experience, it’s even more likely that they’ll fall in love. Problematic experiences also tend to increase sex drive.
When you go through a difficult time in your life, you become more sociable. You might feel connected with someone because you went skydiving together or because you both lost a loved one. Science shows that these kinds of situations make you especially sensitive to other people – what they do, say, share, etc.
We’ll never fully understand the “logic” of love. However, science offers some clues as to why we fall in love. Do any of these apply to your relationship?
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Read it in Exploring your mindThree Myths About Romantic Love These myths about romantic love are some of humanity's biggest lies. They are a consequence of the perpetuation of the idea of the model couple.
The contents of Exploring Your Mind are for informational and educational purposes only. They don't replace the diagnosis, advice, or treatment of a professional. In the case of any doubt, it's best to consult a trusted specialist.Twitter icon A stylized bird with an open mouth, tweeting. Twitter LinkedIn icon The word in. LinkedIn Fliboard icon A stylized letter F. Flipboard Facebook Icon The letter F. Facebook Email icon An envelope. It indicates the ability to send an email. Email Link icon An image of a chain link. It symobilizes a website link url. Copy Link
How and why do two people click? We dug into years of psychologicalresearch to find some answers. And in the process, we busted some myths andlearned that certainclichés turn out to be actually true.
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A 2016 study found that men and women who make eco-friendly purchases are perceived as more desirable for long-term relationships, while those who make luxury purchases are perceived as more physically attractive and more desirable for short-term relationships.
A 2014 study found that men in a speed-dating experiment wanted a woman more when she played hard-to-get by acting disinterested in the men's questions. But these findings only applied in certain situations.
Specifically, the men had to feel committed to the woman, which in this study meant that they'd chosen her as their partner, instead of being assigned to her.
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It's also worth noting that, even though the men wanted the woman more when she played hard to get, they liked her less. Alas, love is complicated.
In 2011, researchers conducted experiments on more than 1, 000people, showing them photographs of members of the opposite sex and asking them how attractive the people in the photos were.
Results showed that men rated women most attractive when they looked happy and least attractive when they displayed pride. Women, on the other hand, rated men most attractive when they displayed pride and least attractive when they looked happy.
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In one 2011 study, researchers found that both men and women rated opposite-sex faces more attractive when they closely resembled their current or most recent partners. Men, however, were less attracted to faces that looked similar to their current partner than women were.
Literally — fill up the physical space around you with hand gestures and an expansive posture. In one 2016 study, researchers observed men and women in speed-dating sessions. Results showed that people were twice aslikely to say that they wanted to see their partners again when thosepartners moved their hands and arms, compared to when their partners satstill.
For the same study, researchersset up profiles for men and women on a GPS-based dating app, showing them in both expansive and contractive postures. Sure enough, people were selected more often when they were pictured in expansive postures.
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Partners who are similar in broad dispositions, like personality, are more likely to feel the same way intheir day-to-day lives, said Gian Gonzaga, lead author ofa study of couples who met on eHarmony. This may make it easier for partners to understand each other.
They later reported they had increased feelings of passionate love and affection towards the other person, Scientific American reports. This suggests that long periods of eye contact can connect you to someone and even ignite feelings of love inside you for that person you have never previously met.
Over 40 years of studying couples, psychologist John Gottman says it's a matter of bids.For example, if a bird-loving wife points out to her husband that a goldfinch just flew landed in a nearby tree, he can
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As Emily Esfahani Smith reported in the Atlantic, the results of the bids are staggering: in one of Gottman's studies of marriage, couples who divorced after six years had the turn toward reply 33% of the time, and the couples that were still together had the turn toward 87% of the time.
A University of Southern California study of women who were ovulating suggested that some prefer the smell of t-shirts worn by men with high levels of testosterone.
Universityof St. Andrews psychologistDavid Perrett and his colleagues found that somepeople are attracted to folks with the same hair and eye color of theiropposite-sexparents, as well asthe age range they saw at birth.
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We found that women born to 'old' parents (over 30) were less impressed by youth, and more attracted to age cues in male faces than women with 'young' parents (under 30), the authors wrote. For men, preferences for female faces were influenced by their mother's age and not their father's age, but only for long-term relationships.
Whenever the story featured a manwho owned a dog, women rated that man as a more suitable long-term partner than a cad who didn't own a dog.
The researchers concluded that owning a pet signals that you're nurturing and capable of making long-term commitments. It can also help you appear more relaxed, approachable, and happy.
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Not into pet ownership? The good news is simply being seen with a dog can make you seem more dateable. In one 2008study, a 20-year-old man approached hundreds ofwomen and asked for their phone numbers.
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